To the Rescue

We’ve been dealing with some pretty depressing family health news around here over the last year. As I was driving away from one of our visits to see my mom in the hospital my teenaged son decided to lift my spirits with a music track so ludicrous I was soon crying with laughter.

I now bequeath this track to you, to lift your spirits when YOU are feeling low.

Here, then, is the theme to the Wonder Woman TV show. Ah, how many ways do I love thee, Wonder Woman show theme?

1. You begin with an explosion, and grow less subtle going forward.

2. You have a splendidly catchy, driving bass line.

3. How about your blaring brass section that knows just when to over-emphasize something dramatic?

a. And how about the great tuba part between the second and third verse?

b. Then there’s the melodic motif that adorns every verse. Fabulous.

4. The dramatic piano glissando between the end of one verse and the start of the next (for you non-music nerds, that’s when a pianist swipes a hand from the top keys all the way to the bottom).

5. The vocals — oh my God, the vocals. The sheer breathless excitement of the background vocalists is not to be believed, and I LOVE how the lead singer always knows just when to hold the note just a little too long, for extra dynamic emphasis.

6. The lyrics. You, dear reader… have you LISTENED to these lyrics as an adult? They’re beyond belief, from the “I’m so clever with my sexual double-entendre” line to gems like “Fighting for her rights, in her satin tights, and the old red white and blue–oo!”

Of course none of it would work at all if the song itself weren’t actually ear-worm catchy and the musicians themselves weren’t quite talented. And it must be emphasized that it is THIS particular arrangement that works best, with just the right tempo and instrument mix. When you combine the arrangement with over-the-top performance and the ’70s lyrics the song becomes so cheesetastic it’s actually kind of awe inspiring. Like a well-executed sculpture of Elvis that’s made out of butter.

Now before you castigate me, I know as well as the next guy how you have to judge a piece for its time and appreciate art in its context. Yeah, I’m not doing that right now. This song lifts my spirits when I’m down. Maybe it’ll lift yours.